Playing
Thanks for all your lovely comments and conversation lately, I must also apologise for not always popping into your blogs, time is always crazy during the week, however I have a little more time for me over the weekends and endeavour to say hello on your lovely blogs.
Alice skipped through the door yesterday, after school much to my delight. She has been having a bit of an emotional time lately, the first year of high school is testing isn't it? So many ups and downs and learning that all teachers are not the same , that you can't like everyone and that not everyone likes you and all the on and off, then on again girly friendships in the break times and out of school. Nothing prepares you for these times and I find myself drawing on my inner resources of creating a stable and safe and secure homely , happy-go-lucky life for our girl. Andy really helps too and sometimes he can have a less emotional approach to a situation, helping to level these things out.
I try my very best not to get too emotionally involved and try to reason through different situations with her, try to feel what she might be feeling and always draw on my own experiences of being a teenager and high school beginnings. It can be so heart breaking when you desperately want to make it "all better" and yet you know this would not be real life and you have to ride the hurt with them.
A few nights ago she burst into tears and after some comforting she told me that she had been given her first detention for sucking on a mint because she had a sore throat. I lightened the situation saying that mama had had plenty of different detentions from having to weed the school gardens to writing an essay on "My life inside a ping pong ball"! She then told me how she was afraid of letting me and Andy down, I felt so sad about this and wondered if we have been overtly or even covertly putting pressure on her? I really don't think we have and she puts a lot of this on herself. This led to a chat about how far from perfect mama and papa are and how I always felt that my parents were infallible to a certain degree and only in my 20's when family things happened and I realised that my Mum and Dad could also mess up just like me. It was a shock to me at the time, looking back now I wonder why it didn't happen when I was younger, mid-20's seems quite old for this to have happened.
I don't want Alice to wait till her mid-20's when she realises that her parents are actually human and just as capable of making mistakes and falling far from perfection. I know that our children look up to and learn so much from our behaviour and how we choose to live our lives and I am not taking this away from her, rather gently introducing her to the fact that it's impossible to always do "the right thing" and that our mistakes are what make us human in many ways.
I think Alice felt comforted and reassured by our chat and telling me that I am "The best mum in the world" is always a tell tale sign as I am sure you have all experienced this too. Just her showing her gratitude for having me listen and understand, reason about the situation and offer reassurance and guidance on the way forward.
Back to beginning of this little story, after skipping through the front door she promptly presented her pet rock called Marcus and one of her friends, Becky's pet rock called Mildred which I had made for them many moons ago. She told me that they were getting married this weekend when she was going to Becky's for a sleepover tonight.
I promptly removed their old dirty covers after having lived in their school lockers for most of Year 7 and made a pink cover for Mildred and a mustard one for Marcus, suitable Pebble wedding attire me thinks :o)
What made me more than pleased was to see that Alice at 12, almost 13 could still "play" a little and just be free spirited without the weight of the world on her shoulders and the demands of school and friendships. Yes, she reminded me to remember to play a little, so I did and spent this morning in the sunshine drinking tea, listening to the radio and covering a couple of pebbles for my amusement (the 2 green ones above).
Thanks for stopping by and letting me share this with you lovelies, I feel better now for recording and sharing this as I am sure some of this may resonate with some of you too.
Alice skipped through the door yesterday, after school much to my delight. She has been having a bit of an emotional time lately, the first year of high school is testing isn't it? So many ups and downs and learning that all teachers are not the same , that you can't like everyone and that not everyone likes you and all the on and off, then on again girly friendships in the break times and out of school. Nothing prepares you for these times and I find myself drawing on my inner resources of creating a stable and safe and secure homely , happy-go-lucky life for our girl. Andy really helps too and sometimes he can have a less emotional approach to a situation, helping to level these things out.
I try my very best not to get too emotionally involved and try to reason through different situations with her, try to feel what she might be feeling and always draw on my own experiences of being a teenager and high school beginnings. It can be so heart breaking when you desperately want to make it "all better" and yet you know this would not be real life and you have to ride the hurt with them.
A few nights ago she burst into tears and after some comforting she told me that she had been given her first detention for sucking on a mint because she had a sore throat. I lightened the situation saying that mama had had plenty of different detentions from having to weed the school gardens to writing an essay on "My life inside a ping pong ball"! She then told me how she was afraid of letting me and Andy down, I felt so sad about this and wondered if we have been overtly or even covertly putting pressure on her? I really don't think we have and she puts a lot of this on herself. This led to a chat about how far from perfect mama and papa are and how I always felt that my parents were infallible to a certain degree and only in my 20's when family things happened and I realised that my Mum and Dad could also mess up just like me. It was a shock to me at the time, looking back now I wonder why it didn't happen when I was younger, mid-20's seems quite old for this to have happened.
I don't want Alice to wait till her mid-20's when she realises that her parents are actually human and just as capable of making mistakes and falling far from perfection. I know that our children look up to and learn so much from our behaviour and how we choose to live our lives and I am not taking this away from her, rather gently introducing her to the fact that it's impossible to always do "the right thing" and that our mistakes are what make us human in many ways.
I think Alice felt comforted and reassured by our chat and telling me that I am "The best mum in the world" is always a tell tale sign as I am sure you have all experienced this too. Just her showing her gratitude for having me listen and understand, reason about the situation and offer reassurance and guidance on the way forward.
Back to beginning of this little story, after skipping through the front door she promptly presented her pet rock called Marcus and one of her friends, Becky's pet rock called Mildred which I had made for them many moons ago. She told me that they were getting married this weekend when she was going to Becky's for a sleepover tonight.
I promptly removed their old dirty covers after having lived in their school lockers for most of Year 7 and made a pink cover for Mildred and a mustard one for Marcus, suitable Pebble wedding attire me thinks :o)
What made me more than pleased was to see that Alice at 12, almost 13 could still "play" a little and just be free spirited without the weight of the world on her shoulders and the demands of school and friendships. Yes, she reminded me to remember to play a little, so I did and spent this morning in the sunshine drinking tea, listening to the radio and covering a couple of pebbles for my amusement (the 2 green ones above).
Thanks for stopping by and letting me share this with you lovelies, I feel better now for recording and sharing this as I am sure some of this may resonate with some of you too.
Take special care?
xox
Penny?
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